Why come to relationship & marriage counselling?
Have you wondered whether you relationship could use some help? Being part of a couple can be a deeply rewarding experience, but intimate partnerships can also become fraught with difficulties. When concerns arise, people are sometimes unsure how valid they are and whether they might need some outside help. Research indicates that couples wait 6 years on average before they seek help. I have therefore compiled a list of some of the reasons couples see me either online or at Earls Court, Kensington for relationship and marriage counselling.
My partner is unavailable
Laura* says: “He is absent lot of the time, at work, with his friends, or in the man-cave. I am left feeling like second best, like something else is always a priority. He’s not really pulling his weight with the chores or the children. I feel like his mother. To be honest, even when he is there he is on his phone or in his head. He is emotionally absent, that’s how I feel really. Never shows enough affection, does not initiate sex, and seems uninterested in my problems. I am not really sure that he is capable of “getting me”. Ultimately I feel unwanted, unimportant, and lonely”.
My partner is demanding
Matt says: “Whatever I do it doesn’t seem enough for her. I try to change, but I feel like everything I do is wrong. I can’t seem to get it right with her. To be frank, I feel like I am starting to lose myself in this relationship. Like my autonomy and sense of identity are under attack. I feel like I am being controlled to act and even think in ways that feel alien to me. I sometimes feel claustrophobic. I feel impotent”.
My partner is very critical of me
Maria, feels a bit like Matt too and adds: “She seems to find fault with whatever I do! She seems to have this very rigid idea of how I should be behave. Or maybe even how I should think. I am trying to tell her she is acting like my mother or father. What do I do? Well, I bite back. Yes, arguments tend escalate uncontrollably. It can take days for us to recover”.
I feel it is just me when it comes to the world outside the relationship
Dev echoes Laura above when he shares: “I think as a couple we struggle to work as a team. I am the ones that worries about everything, it seems. Finances, where we are going on holiday… It makes me feel very anxious. It’s exhausting. We had couples therapy in the past and I felt like I was the one keeping the therapy going. Starting every session. Asking the therapist for more feedback. In the end I gave up all together. I think she was happy with that”.
I do not feel in love any more
Julio says: “I do love him, but I do not feel any excitement any more. It feels like we’re more like family, and we are, but… not like a lover you know? At the same time I seem to be becoming a bit compulsive lately with spending more and more time thinking about how to get sex elsewhere. I often feel very guilty about this”.
I am terrified my partner will leave me
Katherine says: “I live under constant threat of abandonment. I keep worrying he is having an affair. I check for signs that he is not interested in me all the time. I check if he is looking at other people when we are out. I have started to check his phone and his Instagram. I know I am driving him away even more. It’s a vicious circle!”
My partner is abusive
Fatima says: “He can be verbally, or even physically abusive. He shouts and swears at me, tells me I am good for nothing like my family. I feel terrified of him. I feel forced to have sex or consent to do things I do not really feel comfortable with. I am sure that this is not right at all, but then he seems to feel so guilty and begs me not to leave him. Other times he convinces me that I am not thinking straight. I feel like I cannot trust my sense of reality and I am worried I am losing my mind.”
(Please note that if you are concerned about physical safety, couple therapy may not be the right thing at this time. Please see NHS Choices for your options).
If any of the above apply to you and you feel that it may be useful to think about all of this with someone, get in touch by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am based just off Earls Court Road station, in Kensington, within easy reach from from Notting Hill, Holland Park, South Kensington, High Street Kensington, Fulham, Hammersmith, & Gloucester Road. 07805945233 if you’re old fashioned.
*These are not real clients, but representatives of people i have met in the last 10+ years.